Lose the Flab: The Writer's Diet

It's too hot to move, almost too hot to think. But it's never too hot to procrastinate.

In order to avoid completing my first developmental editing assignment, I'm playing around with The Writer's Diet, a fun online tool that analyzes a sample of your writing for flabby prose. The tool identifies the overuse of "to be" verbs and passive constructions, abstract nouns and nominalizations, longs strings of prepositional phrases, adverbs and adjectives, and "waste words" (there is/are).

Just for fun I created a speech given by rotund little man to an admiring audience of townsfolk, who I imagine as all quite pleased with themselves. In addition to circuitous phrasing, nominalizations, and general pomposity, I gave him a pronounced fondness for speaking in capitals. His speech was scored "flabby" by the Writer's Diet, and I agree.

If you'd like to see the tool in action, you can cut and paste the text below into this link. Click on "See the full diagnosis" to get complete results.

The tool is not designed to tell you if your writing is good. Good writing, as the Helen Sword notes on The Writer's Diet, can use all of the elements tagged in the tool and can use them well. But more often, especially in academic or corporate writing, too many abstractions and passive constructions lead to some mighty snooze-worthy prose.

Curious about your own writing? Give it a try. To see my sample text, click on "read more."

***

Could there be any greater joy than spending time with an edifying book?

With the opening of Our New Library we can all rejoice in the greater abundance of books to be read to our children and by our children right here in Our Hometown. New titles to be found in The Library include well-respected works by Mr. Twain, Mr. Dickens, and Miss Louisa May Alcott. It is to be hoped that our children will greatly benefit from such improving works.

There are not, may I add, any books to be made available to our children that allude to unsavory pagan practices such as those that are found in the pages of J.K. Rowling's books and that have inspired the cultish and sinful rites of the so-called "Potter Maniacs." This is a dreadful thought, the contemplation of which we should not dwell upon any longer here. Nor are there any books on questionable sciences in the fields of biology and geology, which, as I think you are well aware, are rife with questionable and ungodly perturbations of thought.

Many thanks to The Committee Members, who spent many energetic hours happily combing the lists of approved reading provided by the Convocation. I should like to call out in particular the dedication of time given to The Committee by one Miss Standoffish, a lady of good reputation and not a little moderation, who tirelessly gave her time, time and time again, to The Work of The Committee. Additionally, I must not forget to mention, the work of Committee Member Kranks, who is a noble, upstanding member in good standing of The Committee, as well as our beloved Mr. Littlesmall, a man who is by all accounts not to be held to account for any negativity in thought or deed. And I would be remiss if I missed mention of one who is most worthy of mention—our very own Philosopher of Thoughtfulness, Mr. Grossdenken.

Thank you. Thank you, All. Without your unceasing devotion to Our Humble Cause, it could not be imagined that I might stand before you with a joyful heart to make My Announcement today.

Is there a connection, a bridge, a cartilaginous continuation between Faith and Knowledge? Indeed, there is such a continuation. It is not an abstraction, a mere chimerical, if I may use such a term. It is not just the ruination of Person, but the undoing of all understandability if this continuation becomes a discontinuation. If all of you were willing to step onto the ledge of speculation with me, we might discover, furthermore, a further abstraction of Darkness, a veritable chasm of Stygian-ness out of which the emergence of a darker Darkness would emerge.

It is in speculation about the contemplation of such a darker Darkness that did not allow us prevarication or procrastination in the matter of the building of The Library of the Township of Goodhopefulness. And Our Library was built in haste and all good skill by Architect Smithson, whom I will grant recognition of as a godly man of God and who has made this noble construction standing before us with its marble pillars and graciously grand portico.

Welcome, Fellow Townsfolk, to Our New Library!

—Kathy Lyon